Politics is power, and political power can be exercised to accomplish many things, for good and ill. But sometimes power can just be exercised, like a muscle. It’s said that Caligula, at a banquet, suddenly began laughing. His table companion nervously asked what the emperor found amusing, and Caligula is said to have responded, ‘I was thinking how funny it would be to stab you right now. Nobody could stop me. I can do anything, to anyone.’ Bet it made for a nervous meal.
And sometimes dictators use their power to bore. It’s a constant in history; long tirades by tyrants. We’ve read in recent months of Kim Jung Aun’s murder of his uncle; the detail that explains it is, apparently, that the uncle had the temerity to look bored during an endless speech by that preposterous young despot. Hitler, of course, was famous for his speechifying. His last days, languishing in the bunker, he ate chocolate cake for every meal, and he harangued his remaining staff for hours, long lectures on his own greatness and Germany’s glorious future, after the current minor crisis (the war he’d already lost) was over. Stalin’s speeches for the Presidium lasted most of the day, and at the end, had to be endlessly applauded–the first person who stopped clapping could be shot–and often was. Mao Zedong’s screeching dogmatic tirades were so tedious–and so faithfully copied by his underlings–that being forced to listen to a political speech was a particularly feared form of torture during the Cultural Revolution. Fidel Castro was probably the champion; his speeches, required listening on state radio, could go on for days. Cubans braved sharks to escape them. As the great Albert Camus put it, in The Rebel “tyrants conduct monologues above a million solitudes.”
I thought about this today, while watching Rachel Maddow’s show. She described a press conference recently given by Vladimir Putin that lasted for four hours. Now, a four hour disquisition is the work of a piker; Mussolini, at the four hour mark, was just getting warmed up. But then Putin is pretty tinpot, as dictators go. His actions in Ukraine are provocative, to be sure. But this isn’t the Cold War, and he’s no Lenin, or even Peter the Great. And Ukraine’s government epitomizes dysfunction. In any event, I think his acts call for a tempered American/EU response, for diplomacy over sabre-rattling, and sanctions over any armed response. He’s a four hour monologue guy; that’s all. A lightweight. Let’s not overreact. This isn’t Munich, and President Obama’s no Neville Chamberlain. How can I be sure Putin’s not much of a threat? He stopped after four hours.
But the larger question is an interesting one; how often despots exercise the power to bore. Why do so many big corporations have ‘retreats,’ and hire ‘motivational speakers,’ and subject their employees to brain-numbing seminars and presentations? Why do academics spend endless hours creating ‘mission statements,’ or ‘assessment objectives?’ Because administrators can force them to. Because it’s a way to maintain the power structure, make sure everyone understands their place in the world. Why is so much of school boring? Because bored kids tend to be tractable. It’s enervating, boredom; it’s soul-draining. It takes away your will to live.
Boring people is a form of aggression, is it not? Because boredom is a kind of death; your brain deprived of stimulus, your soul not fed, but starved. John D. McDonald had a lovely definition of a bore: some who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company. Great conversation is life-affirming. Boredom is the opposite. That’s why I always need a nap after Church on Sundays. Fighting boredom is exhausting.
And yet, theologically, Mormonism actually does incorporate an opposition to boredom into its theology. What? And I know what you’re thinking; that sacrament meetings are the very definition of boring, the absolute epitome of this thing I profess to despise. And that’s true; Church can be boring. I have two personal remedies. One is that my wife and I pass notes back and forth during the meeting. One antidote for boredom is snark. And failing that, one can always just fall asleep.
But theologically? What is eternal progression but a recognition of the negative power of boredom? I think of the standard Protestant or Catholic heaven. An eternity spent singing praises to God, right? I love choral music; I met my wife singing in a choir, and singing together has been one of the great pleasures of our marriage. And I love rehearsing great choral music. I love the mental exercise of it. But an eternity spent doing nothing else? No thanks.
I’m a theatre guy, and my greatest fear is that something I write or direct might be boring to an audience. It’s an awful thought. As a director, I’m actually in a position of authority over an audience, albeit a limited, voluntary one. I’m responsible for entertaining all those people, it’s my job, it’s my task to allow them to pass two hours of their lives agreeably. All those people, all those living souls. What if the play is boring? What if two minutes pass (an eternity!), or even ten seconds, with a scene change or a blackout; two minutes or ten seconds in which nobody is being entertained! Unsupportable; cannot be allowed. So I do whatever I possibly can to pump up the energy. I don’t care if people are offended. Offended people are feeling something. What I cannot live with is the idea that they might be bored.
In fact, the idea of eternity is a frightening one. So you read every book ever written. You read them all repeatedly, until you’ve got them memorized. You listen to every piece of music ever written, again until you’ve committed them to memory. Likewise every painting, every sculpture, every play, every movie. Then what? It’s quite terrifying. And an eternity spent fighting boredom? Frankly, there’s only one word for it. Hell.
(And really, those horrible Jonathan Edwards’ “Sinners in the hands of an angry God” versions of hell, what with all the flaying and burning and torment, wouldn’t that really be preferable to a hell spent being bored? Wouldn’t it at least stay interesting, to wonder what body part the demons were going to work on next, to compare the exquisiteness of various kinds of tortures? Wouldn’t boredom be worse than that?)
But if we believe in eternity, we must also believe in eternal progress; we must believe that just as existence is never-ending, so is the ability to learn, to grow, to improve, to develop. So at death, either consciousness ends, either the entity that was ‘me’ ceases to exist. Or it, me, I, us, we, me gets to continue. And goes to either heaven or hell. And hell is boredom. So heaven has to be a place of eternal growth and learning. It’s really that simple.
And so the most brutal dictators in history, essentially insecure as all such tyrants must be, have to keep proving it, how powerful they, how few limits exist for them. One way to do it is to kill. Another is to torture. And a third is to bore. Know this: unrighteous dominion does exist. How can you know when it’s being practiced? It’s excessively boring.